What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
12.06.2025 03:25
He was dying to do it , i knew.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
The LAX/Metro Transit Center is opening today—here’s what you need to know - Time Out
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
We were not on the streets..
How do you weigh in on the Vance-couch conversation?
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Is OnlyFans good or bad for the society? Why?
And who doesn’t know suffering?
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
One cannot live in the past .
Is it okay if I sleep with my brother without my husband knowing?
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
She wouldn,t have been !
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I could never make a relationship work though!
When she asked me how she looked .
Is it right to visit any shrine or tomb in Islam?
Especially a lifetime of it.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Which type of physical cable has fastest transmission speed?
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
We all went to grammer schools
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Brain ‘Reset Wave’ May Explain How ECT Rapidly Relieves Depression - Neuroscience News
The only rule us 5 kids had .
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Do most men prefer curvy women or skinny women?
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I think the readers, may guess!
Meta pauses mobile port tracking tech on Android after researchers cry foul - theregister.com
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
But ive been too sick for many years..
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I will be 64.
How to watch the 2025 Tony Awards on Sunday - NPR
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I waited trembling.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Ive learnt so much.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Put me off passion for life!!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I never cut or harmed myself..
(And it was in our own minds.)
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
He resisted the act ,that day.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Why did i forgive my father ?
I was seconnd youngest,
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
What did i know ?
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
She married twice! .
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I couldn’t, believe it.
I have no regrets .
On the 31st of Jan this month .
But it wasn’t much.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I was scared of men, in general
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I said to her
Would this be the day?
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I was very sick at this time too.
She loved him until the end.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
He knew the spot.
I don,t even have a pension.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
And i lived it daily.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
So whats the point in blame.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
They are buried together, in the same grave..
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
She found it foreign!.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Was to survive, this bastard.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
My family never makes their pension either.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
But, we were locked up after school.
I was 9 years of age.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
It was going to be , some day.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
All the time i was locked up.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
She was in good health!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I write beautiful poetry .
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
So, i spoilt her more .
Comes on , in middle age.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
This is soul school!.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Who then, do I blame.?
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
My life is so biszare .
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Im still living with it.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I know ,a lot about trauma.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.